Mmh, it happens a lot? Which kind of sucks, but I’m dealing with it, haha.

Whenever I see people that I find attractive, I immediately jump to the thought of, “What’s the use? It’s not like they’ll even look at me.” I’m 5’0 and I most certainly do not have a petite, slim figure haha. It’s also on the same wavelength; whenever I’m with my ladyfriends and then boys approach them because they’re tall and skinny and they have straight hair and perfect teeth, and I look at myself and I feel like crying, haha.

It also gets really bad in clothing stores, because I’ll see something I want to wear or something that I really like and I can’t wear it because it’s not flattering. It sucks, because I pride myself in dressing well no matter what the situation is, and clothing issues get to me really quickly.

The worst feeling, though, is when I’m with my oldest brother. He’s worked really hard for years to discipline himself and get the body he wanted, and things looked up for him as soon as he lost weight. He went from XXXL to an XS in terms of size. Girls started to notice him, he got more job interviews, people were more willing to listen to him… When I look at him, I feel awful about myself because it feels like I’m never going to have that kind of confidence or attention because I don’t have the same physique. He’s got massive arms, a full pack of abs, small thighs… I can’t eat around him because he’ll tell me to skip the bread or the rice or the potatoes because it’ll bloat me, and it embarrasses me because he does it in public. I’ve cried through countless nights because I dwell on the things he says and does. Part of me says he’s right, the other part just says he’s being a dickpie.

Weh. I’m better about it, though. I buy clothing that flatters, and I have more confidence in myself because whatever I lack in physicality, I make up for in ability. My grades rock, bro.